What happens when you look up from life and realize you're 80 plus years old?

There are so many times that I wish I had my Granddad around to ask questions exactly like that. I want to know what matters most to someone when everything is said and done. I want to ask him things like, "what do you know now, that you wish you'd know then?" Unfortunately, my Granddad was gone much sooner than I would have liked and way before I was mature enough to realize I needed to sit down and ask him these questions. So, instead I have been trying to figure out what he might say to these questions, hoping that the answers will help me make a huge life decision: move to Hawaii or stay home.

When I applied to the Hawaii internship, I did it out of pure spontaneity thinking it was without a doubt not a possibility. When I was contacted for an interview, I accepted to prove to myself that I was someone worth hiring (aka better than all of the other applicants). Finding out I was offered the internship was an awesome feeling, mostly because I have this insane desire to always be number one. However, the offer had to either be accepted or declined, which meant a huge decision needed to be made. I'm not sure if I have always been indecisive or if that just started during college, but decisions are a problem for me...especially ones as big as moving my entire life across the ocean for four months.

I thought for sure, my parents would say no to Hawaii as soon as the words left my mouth. However, apparently some where in between me writing on our family van with a rock and now I have gained their respect and trust enough to decide this one on my own (lucky me). So, now I am left with a decision that seems to grow in immensity by the day.

If you asked me which way I was leaning, most days I'd tell you quickly Hawaii. I long for the adventure and independence that experience would give me. Although, there are days when I wonder if choosing Hawaii is me being selfish and irresponsible. My parents have already given me so much that I can't stand the thought of asking for something more. Hawaii is quite possibly one of the most expensive places I could have chosen and I wonder how big a burden that would be on my parents financially. Would it cost them a couple more years of work that could be spent enjoying retirement?

If worrying over the finances of a trip isn't enough, I also wonder about what I'd be losing in relationships while in Hawaii. College is typically the last time you have with your friends in the same place. What would I be missing out on with them, if I choose Hawaii? Time is something you can never get back. Is time in Hawaii more important than time I could have spent with my family and friends?

I know that the easiest answer to all of the questions would be something along the lines of "What do you think God wants?"

But, how do you decide when you are earnestly praying for an answer or guidance and hear only silence? What then?

Writer's Block

I have been diligently trying to write a new post for almost a solid week. However, I am afraid that my perfectionist attitude has taken over and I have come down with a case of writer's block. I tend to experience this awful problem right around the time I have a huge research paper due (I'm positive it has nothing to do with the fact I leave the 10 page paper until midnight the night before its due date). Anyway, anything that I have written lately just doesn't seem to sound right, or I get half way through and delete it out of frustration for lack of wisdom or wit. I'm not even sure if anyone other than my mom (hi mom!) reads this, but I still want it to be something worthy of an audience. I want it to be inspirational, educational, or at least enjoyable. But, lately all my thoughts have been too disorganized to amount to any piece of writing other than the post it notes scattered around my desk at work.

I suppose this lack of creativity could be from the amount of stress I have been feeling lately. Apparently, around week 8 of your internship you become an all out therapist. I'm talking being in charge of new patients' incoming assessments, writing up evaluation reports, updating reports for medical records, reporting at patients' team meetings, planning a special event, leading all the group and individual therapy sessions...the list literally goes on and on. My days are busy and I love it, but they are also tiring. Last night I came home from work around six after finishing up paperwork and fell asleep around 8 p.m. until 7 a.m. this morning. It's official, I have become my father...only I fell asleep in my bean bag chair and not a recliner.

This past week has been one of my most emotional weeks of the entire internship. I have almost cried on several occasions. The first time happened after an evaluation with a patient that reminded me so much of my Granddad that passed away almost seven years ago. This patient had a stroke and has a left field cut. A left field cut in Layman's terms is a blind spot in your vision. His just happens to be a very big blind spot. He loved playing a domino game called Chicken Foot (which is a game my Granddad taught me when I was younger) with his family, but admitted to me he was intimidated to play with his poor vision. I encouraged him to try and when the game had concluded and he had successfully kicked my butt, I noticed tears in his eyes. He was so happy that he could still continue to play Chicken Foot with his family and not worry about being a burden. He thanked me over and over again for working with him and not letting him give up. This was about the time I almost lost it with the water works.

The second time I teared up this past week was during an evaluation with a new patient. He has really poor speech intelligibility, so his verbal evaluation was especially difficult. He also has some pretty intense physical complications, but his cognition and mental capabilities seem to pretty much be intact. These type of deficits and symptoms are probably the worst in my opinion because you are pretty much trapped in your own body. Your body and mind at war. His situation though has shown me the true definition of "in sickness and in health". The patient's relationship with his wife is absolutely amazing. She sees past the man sitting in the wheelchair and still continues to see the man she fell in love with. Just watching them interact and seeing the affection they share despite the now drool covered kisses, literally brought tears to my eyes. In a society so devastated by divorce, it was reassuring to see a love as strong and true.

I am not typically so emotional, but I have decided these almost instantaneous tears are a result of the stress and being a little bit homesick. I have been in Galveston on my own for two whole months and I am ready to come home. Not that I haven't enjoyed my internship, tiny little apartment, or having a beach right up the road, but I MISS my family and friends.

MISS THE MOST:

Hugs from my mom and dad. Caleb's crazy antics. Joey's sarcastic comments. Kristen's laugh. Wal Mart trips with Lesley, Natalie, and Elly. My Little. Late night talks with the annex. Dinner dates with my Big. A real bed. Barn Cokes. A shower with water pressure. Oklahoma's humidity. Meals that aren't made in a microwave. Furniture. Braum's. Limey's. Getting to wear T-Shirts everyday. Free Laundry. Sillwater. Walks around Boomer Lake. OSU's Campus. Country Roads.

16 more days...

The Little Moments

I have been at TLC for six weeks now and I can honestly say that I have loved my experience thus far. I will admit there have been days that sleeping past 6:30 am sounded a whole lot better than work. However, after at least one cup of coffee and breakfast, my outlook on the day always seems much brighter than when I was still pressing the snooze button on my alarm. I have never claimed to be a good morning person, God did not bless me with a perky attitude for the wee hours of the morning (this includes any time before 8 am). My mom once bought me something that had a cartoon of a grumpy looking person and the saying "I think I'm allergic to mornings." So, you get the picture....it is not a pretty sight. However, walking into work and knowing that I get to work with the patients that day instantly brings a smile to my face. The patients are the reason I love my job.

I believe that God places passions and desires in our hearts to fuel us for the plans we are to accomplish in our lifetime. I have known from a very young age that I had several very strong passions in life, helping people with disabilities being one of them. It wasn’t until a few years before starting college that I figured out I could actually apply that passion to my career. Thank goodness because after five years of working for my dad as a secretary showed me I was not meant for desk work. This internship has just increased my confidence that I am meant to work with people and not just filing cabinets and copy machines.

I suppose the reason I love people with disabilities so much is because they live a life filled with struggles. Whether it is physical, cognitive, emotional, or all of the above, each day is another battle to overcome. They must work harder and try harder at a lot of things most people take for granted. If you want to see a true definition of determination, watch a patient trying to learn to walk again after their accident. If you want to see an amazing example of perseverance, find someone that struggles to put their socks on by themselves because they suffer from weakness on one side of their body. They don’t give up trying to do it independently, even after failing 1,001 times. The people I get to work with everyday should be celebrated for their accomplishments. Think of one of the most difficult things you have ever done in your lifetime, now imagine doing that each day. When I started my internship I was hoping to make a difference in the patients’ lives, I didn’t realize the impact they would have on my own life.

The patients have shown me true acceptance. I know that even when I have a mountain range taking up residence on my face, they will still call me beautiful. The days when I can’t seem to do anything right, they will still appreciate my effort. Even in those embarrassing moments of tripping over my own feet, they will still help me up without judgment. I have also learned from working with brain injury patients to cherish the little moments the most.

Moments like when a patient remembers my name solely from memory without any hints or guesses.

Moments like when a patient gets excited and happy to see me, when normally they show almost no emotion.

Moments like when you can see the patient progressing and becoming more independent.

Moments like when a patient walks across the pool all on their own.

Moments like when the family thanks you with tears in their eyes for changing their loved one’s life.

The little moments are the ones that keep me going when I’m stressed out or when I think I’m not making a difference. Those little feats are reminders to not give up hope.

Bucket List

Life has become so much more fragile in my eyes since starting this internship. I have gotten to see first hand how easy it is for your whole life to change in an instant. I have made a "bucket list" before, but this one means more. I have honestly thought about my list and decided what really matters to me the most. I want to experience all that life has to offer and also give back as much as possible at the same time. We all have dreams, passions, and goals for a reason, but it is up to us to try and achieve them. So, here are the 25 things (some important, some not so much) I hope to check off during my lifetime.

My Life List

1. Graduate from OSU with Honors

2. Live in Boston, Massachusetts

3. Exercise four times a week for a whole year

4. Karaoke

5. Learn American Sign Language

6. Fly First Class

7. Visit Stonehenge

8. Visit the Colosseum

9. Visit the Leaning Tower of Pisa

10. See the Northern Lights

11. Take a picture in front of the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree

12. Go on a mission trip outside the U.S.

13. Get Married

14. Attend a Yankees vs. Red Sox game

15. Buy something at Tiffany & Co.

16. Obtain a Master’s Degree

17. Write a book

18. Have children

19. Start a Non Profit Organization

20. Celebrate my 25^th Wedding Anniversary

21. Visit all 50 states (32 left)

22. Do something that really scares me

23. Own a house

24. Watch Time’s All-Time 100 Movies

25. Have something named after me

Crisis Averted

Community outings are an important part of the therapeutic recreation department at my internship site. It helps us evaluate the patients' safety, orientation, awareness, money management, and many other valuable skills for being independent. I have been on several outings since being in Galveston, but today was the first time I was in charge. I had to figure out all of the details like, vehicle assignments, patient to staff ratio, and observe all of the patients for progress notes. The day started off great with everyone excited about the outing, brunch and a walk along the beach. Thankfully brunch went well without any major mishaps or outbursts. The walk on seawall, was not only hot, but a bit of a challenge. Long story short, I thought I lost a patient. Thankfully that was not the case, however, I never again want to experience those two very long and worry filled minutes again. Accidentally killing my patients was my only out of portion fear of the internship, at least until today. Connect Four, Jenga, and Scategories, as far as I know haven't been linked to any deaths, but people do wander off. My nerves and anxiety are now that of a young mother tending to her newly, mobile set of sextuplets in the mall...constant counting of heads, judgmental glances from the onlookers, and absolutely no peace of mind until everyone is back home, safe and sound. Luckily today there was not a crisis and all of my patients made it back to the facility (let's hope it stays that way). Tomorrow is another outing (due to the legal holiday) to a local coffee shop. I am learning fairly quickly that real life doesn't take a time out for holidays or celebrations. I worked today (July 4th) and I am working tomorrow when the rest of the treatment team staff gets a paid holiday. Just another day in the life of a student intern, right? Gotta love it!

Was Peter Pan Right?

Recently, I have had a LOT of time to think (living alone and 10 hours from your friends can do that to you). It seems that each time I log into Facebook another one of my friends is engaged, married, or even having babies. Just yesterday I had a notification from a name I didn't recognize. Don't worry it was just another one of my friends that had gotten married. When did my friends all start getting married and start having families? This is a new phenomenon to me and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I mean when did I grow up?

Wasn't it just yesterday that Joey and I flooded my bathroom "washing clothes," or playing baseball in the backyard with ghost runners, and having acorn fights at Michael and Holly's? The memories seem too fresh and vivid to be anything other than recent. What about the days of climbing trees, falling off the monkey bars, and chipping my knee cap at a rollerskating birthday party? (I was/still am very much accident prone) I want to go back to the days of building towns out of chalk, exploring the world on just my bike, and saving the universe, one Military operation at a time with Caleb. I long for the days that were worry free, when money didn't matter, and anything was possible.

What ever happened to all of the childhood dreams I once strived to achieve? I was never the typical girl (in anything I did...EVER) that dreamed of being a ballerina. Ballerinas didn't get to wear backwards baseball caps, no I wanted to be in the NBA. (My skills were going to be too much for just the regular old WNBA) After realizing that I was much too short for that dream, my aspirations changed numerous times. At one point I read a story about Madame Curie and thought being a Chemist sounded fun. Madame Curie was the first woman to win the Nobel Prize for her discoveries in radiation and later again for discovering two new elements. If the NBA wasn't going to work out, I might as well try and cure a disease, right? However, Chemistry and I didn't like each other too much. So, once again I had to find a new dream. One that didn't require me to be nearing the seven foot mark or the brain child of Albert Einstein.

I realize that my childhood dreams were quite unique, but I miss the childlike state of mind that thought anything was possible. Failing didn't ever cross our minds and fear was only something I experienced when playing hide and go seek in the dark. Now it seems that any dream is followed by the inevitable thoughts of worry and worry's friend, impossibility. How many people dream of being a doctor yet, never even take the MCAT because they believe it impossible to pass? How many people dream of starting their own business, but can't get passed the financial worry? I am not saying these aren't acceptable things to think about. (Lord knows there are plenty of people I don't want to ever be my doctor...childhood dream or not) However, what happens to the mindset of anything is possible? When exactly do we lose that growing up?

Growing up being an actual reality is just too much for me to comprehend at the moment. Senior year of college has come much sooner than expected and I have not been able to fully prepare mentally. Two semesters left of living the "good life" and being close to my friends. After graduation, we are left for the big bad wolves in the real world....yikes! Being responsible is no longer something that warrants praise from the parents, now it becomes expected. We still get cash from the parents when they visit though, right?! (If not, I'm not ever leaving college)

J.M. Barrie, the author of Peter Pan, (yes, it was a book and not just a Disney movie) once wrote, "If growing up means it would be beneath my dignity to climb a tree, I'll never grow up, never grow up, never grow up! Not me!" There are so many days that I want to have the same attitude. Why would you want to give up a world built straight from your imagination for one in the workplace?

However, J.M. Barrie also wrote, "To live will be a great adventure." I suppose this is the only real reason that growing up makes sense. Living life is a great adventure, one that you cannot fully experience if stuck somewhere in the third grade. Life is meant to progress and change, it allows for memories and adventures beyond just the imagination. While, I may miss saving the world, I believe I still have much to look forward to. A bright future full of many new memories and who knows, maybe one day I'll change the world. I also believe that we are to remain young at heart and still occasionally live in the mindset of a child, one full of wonder and not of doubt. Peter Pan may have been right about not growing up after all.

If you are questioning J.M. Barrie's writings, he also has another quote that I quite enjoy.

"One girl is worth more use than 20 boys."

He must have been one smart man!

Never a Dull Day's Work

Work today was...well, interesting. I started the day with an evaluation of my ability to lead an individual therapy session by myself. I absolutely hate evaluations! Yes, it is constructive criticism, but I have this inherent need to be the best at everything...literally EVERYTHING! So, needless to say when I saw that I had two areas graded in the poor category, I was not happy. My supervisor reminded me to explain the goals to the patient before starting and then to debrief with them after about it. If only I knew what the heck those goals were...we played a card game, the goal is obviously to win. (isn't that always the goal?) However, I tend to forget that Therapeutic Recreation while fun, the goals are always much more specific and functional. What I should have told my patient is that the card game was working on her fine motor skills, processing speed, appropriate social interactions, and turn taking abilities. I'm sure we learned those valuable and functional goals in class at some point, but I'm afraid I might have been texting Kristen about our crazy classmates. The rest of my morning I spent in therapy sessions, a pretty normal and slow day. One of my favorite patients in the facility did teach me how to play dominoes. I never knew how to play the original game. My Granddad only taught us Chicken Foot. Dominoes was not an easy thing for me to pick up. Once you start adding strategy to mental math, I'm lost. A brain injury patient gave me a lesson in strategy...talk about humbling. It is amazing what the brain can actually do. It is like a huge cabinet full of drawers. One drawer for long term memory, another for short term memory, separate drawers for social interactions, math, verbal language, written language, attention, impulsiveness, and a whole lot of drawers for physical things. You might lose a couple drawers after a brain injury, but the others are totally untouched. It doesn't make much sense, but it makes for a pretty interesting internship.

I have very much enjoyed my internship, but today things became very real. We had two new patients admitted into the facility and their accidents left them more mentally impaired than physically. One of the patients complimented my eye color within the first few minutes of meeting him then proceeded to ask if I was married. Any girl loves compliments, but can you really trust a brain injured person to tell you the truth? (I think not) His comments aren't anything crazy, but it has left me a little bit more worried about work. The other patients I could out run and out smart, this new patient...maybe not so much. Never a dull moment.

Also, something else that I realized today was that a couple of our patients have acquired brain injuries. These are different than traumatic brain injuries and are typically not caused by accidents. An example of an acquired brain injury might be a tumor. Although, the most common is from a Cerebrovascular Accident (CVA), or a stroke. A stroke is more than likely something that could have been prevented. Granted I'm sure there are cases that have happened to very healthy and active people. Unfortunately, that is not what I am seeing in my internship. I suppose why the CVA startled me so much today was because I realized essentially they did the damage to themselves. They can no longer talk coherently, they no longer recognize the left side of their body, and they no longer walk because of choices they made. It is scary to think about their present state being a possibility for my future. It adds a whole new dimension on wanting to eat healthy and exercise. It isn't about dropping a few pounds, but more about making sure I have a future worth looking forward to. I imagine that any of the patients would gladly give up 30 minutes of their past for a walk around the neighborhood with their spouse everyday. Their schedules probably wouldn't seem so busy anymore looking back. I have a feeling they would give anything just to be able to have the ability to walk again or have a conversation with their family. It is the little things we take for granted everyday, that they no longer get to experience. I've said it before, but this internship is giving me an entirely new perspective on life.

I cannot even begin to describe how heartbreaking it is to see patients not progressing anymore after their brain injury. It is the worst feeling in the world to look a patient's family in the eye and tell them that their loved one isn't going to ever get better. They aren't going to walk their daughters down the aisle at their wedding, they aren't going to ever be able to dress themselves independently again, and they aren't ever going to be able to remember what happened the day before. I have seen some miraculous events, but unfortunately the bleak outlooks outnumber the hopeful cases. So, I suppose what I am trying to tell you is never take your days for granted, love with everything in your heart, and establish an unshakable faith in God. It is the only way worth living...

Life Outside of Work

After 10 straight days of work, I finally got a break. My mind and body were both very relieved for a couple days of relaxation. This past week at work I started taking on a lot more responsibility. I began writing progress notes and documentation for patients, which I found out go into their medical history forever....crazy. I also got a patient for my very own caseload, so on Thursday I had to think of an activity to do for an Individual Therapeutic Recreation module. I decided on a leisure education task, probably the most boring thing anyone could ever do. After the session was over, I was beyond sure that I was well on my way to being one very lame therapist. However, my co-worker over heard the patient telling someone that she actually learned something from the activity. My goal was accomplished; let's just hope that the lesson is retained.

This past week, I got a brief, impromptu glimpse into my future life after college. One night after work, my co-worker had a group of women that we work with from TLC over to her house. We made some appetizers for dinner and enjoyed a few bottles of wine. I learned that the discussions after college get a little more serious. First it started as a talk about work, but ended up as a conversation discussing the pros and cons of Living Wills, Durable Power of Attorney, and life insurance. Thankfully, I learned a few things after several years of working for my dad. I was able to give some pretty good answers about some of their legal questions. (I'd like to think they were impressed with my legal knowledge) I had a lot of fun getting to know my co-workers better, even if the topics of conversation were a little intense. Another thing that was much different than college was that around 10 pm, everyone started getting ready for bed. I guess it is karma for all those years of making fun of my dad for going to sleep around 9 pm every night. Whatever helps me get up at 6 am, right?

I will admit that this slower paced lifestyle is something I enjoy very much. While I have always been blessed with many friends, I actually love coming home to an empty apartment. I don’t have to worry about letting people down when instead of going out, I decide to stay home. I can watch as many Friends episodes as I want without worrying about annoying a roommate. After 18 years of living with my family and another three years spent with roommates, I suppose I was overdue for a little time to myself.

Lately, I have been doing a lot of thinking and I have decided to look into Graduate Schools. I purchased a GRE prep book and found a few schools (University of Massachusetts!) that seem promising. Kinesiology was my original plan before I discovered Therapeutic Recreation and I think a Master’s Degree in it could benefit in my future job choices. I guess I just don’t feel quite finished with school yet. I have always wanted to change the world, find a cure, advocate for the underdogs, and until I figure out what God has planned for me, I’m going with more school. (My parents are going to be so thrilled...not so much their pocketbooks though) Right now it is just in the thought process. But, if you look at the Northeastern University or University of Massachusetts website, you'll understand why.

www.northeastern.edu

www.umass.edu

If you have life, there is always hope

This week can only be described as a whirlwind. I have been trying to find time to write about my first couple days of work, but it just hadn't happened. Mainly because I'll be honest, this whole real world job thing is EXHAUSTING! I have come home from work Tuesday and Wednesday and had to "rest my eyes" aka nap for an hour before I could even begin to think about anything else. I am a full time college kid, I am used to being sleep deprived. However, this is more being emotionally and mentally drained. I'm so nervous about being up and ready for work, that I wake up every couple hours during the night. I have been 15 minutes early to work every day so far, and I know to my father's surprise I have also left work at least 15 to 30 minutes after 5 o'clock.

I wish there were words to be able to describe how amazing this job has been. I have always been someone that thought I could only find joy in working with children. However, I love the older patients just as much, if not more. While some of the older men in the facility could play each character in the "Grumpy Old Men" movies, they are still so inspirational. I have had the opportunity to experience someone's first steps after their accident that happened well over a year ago. I get to see joy expressed from people that have had their entire lives shaken and devastated. Today I attended a meeting with the whole treatment team, a patient, and the patient's family. In those moments, I fully realized why God gave me the passion and drive to work in this profession. As each team member commented on the patient's progress, the more the family became emotional and overjoyed with hope.

After a traumatic brain injury (TBI), the people that survive their accidents typically have a very long and rough journey back to a functional lifestyle. They are no longer independent or capable of the things before their stroke, fall, or accident. So, when a family can see their child, father, brother, or sister making any sort of progress it is a miracle in itself. The patients are almost beginning a new life, a new journey full of obstacles and goals. Their first words, first steps, ability to do simple math, or remember the date. I get to be a part of that process and hopefully make a positive impact in their lives. It is going to be one of the most amazing and truly inspirational times of my life.

On Wednesday the Therapeutic Recreation department has started implementing Animal Assisted Therapy into the patients' sessions. I was impressed at how much emotion and motivation our patients showed while with the dog. It was like working with completely different people. A patient that would typically only talk when asked simple yes or no questions became very talkative, giving the dog commands to fetch and sit. I couldn't help but to smile the entire time. A couple of times, I have even had to choke back some tears. Also patients that are dealing with hemiplegia (paralysis of one side of their body) tried to use their weaker or non-functioning side to pet or brush the dog. Typically trying to get a patient to use their weaker side is one of the biggest challenges, but petting the dog meant so much more than the pain they experienced. Now I have an even better reason for my next Christmas present to be a puppy. I'll just mention to my dad how therapeutic they are, I mean hello, healthier, happier lifestyle. You can't say no to that! Well I'm sure my father would find it fairly easy to say no, but it never hurts to try.

The more and more I learn and experience in Galveston, the more I realize how thankful I am that God personally planned this journey for me. I have three amazing bosses at TLC that are so nice, understanding, and helpful in my internship. The other staff members have accepted me as part of the team as well. The patients have totally changed my perspective on life. If they can have hope and joy after completely losing their previous way of life than everyone should be so grateful for their lives. I know that we all have our struggles, I'm not trying to discount those, but just know that if you still have life you always have hope.

There are numerous things I have learned about myself so far through this new experience as well. I have learned that I can be independent and survive. I have lived in my apartment all by myself for a total of four days without any big mishaps. No fires, floods, or any other emergencies. I have learned that while peanut butter sandwiches were acceptable in elementary school, they start to get a little old after eating them for lunch and dinner everyday. I unfortunately have discovered that I can survive with only a few pairs of shoes...don't let my dad know that one. So, basically to sum it up, so far so good. I love Galveston, I enjoy my job and coworkers, and I have been immensely blessed!

All Moved In

Galveston is amazing! The beaches, harbor, and gulf are a beautiful landscape to see outside everyday. My apartment is on the far south side of the town, so each day I am greeted by the ferry landing and industrial ships in the harbor. The first day I was here, cars were lined up in the left lane to enter the free ferry all day long and even into the night. So far I am really enjoying the lifestyle of the people here. It is much more laid back and relaxed than Dallas. The speed limit is 35 or lower, which makes me feel at home. My commute to work takes less than ten minutes, which definitely beats the 30 to 45 I had to UT Southwestern. There is just something about this place that makes me feel right at home.

After two trips to Target, a thousand trips up and down three flights of stairs, and a couple diet cokes I am all moved into my first, very own apartment. I don't mind that the bedroom is also the living room and my closet/pantry. I love it. It is clean and my facility is paying for it. I couldn't ask for anything better. The only thing that it is missing is pictures of my friends and family. It would feel much more like a home with some pictures of the people I love the most.

I met my internship supervisor today and got to see a little bit of the facility I'll be working at. The buildings are gorgeous and the people were so nice. I found out that I'll get to have my own desk. Our offices are attached to the gymnasium and tomorrow we are working with the patients in the pool. I get to wear comfortable clothes and tennis shoes to work. After today, I am more certain than ever that I have chosen the right field of work. Which is comforting considering it is too late to turn back and start over now. My supervisor is originally from Canada, so if I come back after these ten weeks and use eh a lot, I apologize now. He seems really nice, but definitely intense about work. However, he and I were both wearing orange shirts today. I decided to take that as a good sign and it also felt like a little piece of home (Go Cowboys!)

I miss my family and friends, but I think Galveston may have been the best thing to happen for me in awhile. It has shown me a lot about myself. My brother called it my "journey into adulthood" and I think he was exactly right. I will admit though I haven't been completely mistake free since moving here. This morning I went to Target to get everything I needed for my apartment, you know the essentials. Which I learned means to me, diet coke, a couple decorations, shower curtain, and a trash can. I wasn't even thinking about things like toilet paper, food, or cleaning supplies. Hence the second trip back in the same day. You live and you learn, right?

Here are some pictures of my experience thus far:

My simple little bedroom

My coffee cup I use before work every morning

My amazing kitchen...

The living room side of the apartment...

My closest/pantry portion of the room

A little bit of the bathroom

This is one of the old historical houses downtown

right across the street from my work site.

These are the houses that line a lot of the streets

I am in love with them. An old man was

outside this morning sweeping off his sidewalk

and smoking a pipe...see what I mean by more

relaxed and laid back.

The ferry waiting line...not a great picture,

but you get the point.

The view from my apartment. I am on the

harbor side of the town.

A picture of Stewart Beach on my way to work.

This is my life for the next ten weeks :)

Walk by Faith

It's official I am going to Galveston, TX for the summer and I leave tomorrow. Not exactly how I had planned on spending my summer, but I suppose the beach won't be such a bad plan B. I have all the details of my living arrangements figured out as of my 8 am wake up call from the apartment people. I am the proud tenant of a SMALL one room efficiency apartment. This means a very tiny bathroom, no kitchen, and using a laundry mat. (I'm now taking donations for quarters) Not only am I going to be paying to do my laundry for the summer, but also rent for my apartment. (These unpaid internships are not so nice to the already drained bank account) If you are keeping count, as I know my parents are, now I'm not only paying OSU for this lovely work experience, but now also an apartment, gas, laundry money, food, and my rent for my cute little house in Stillwater, OK. It is going to be one very frugal summer of fun. No better time to live life as a bum than one on the beach, right?

The facility I will be working at is called Transitional Learning Center. It has newly been rebuilt due to last season hurricane damage. I'd describe it as a halfway house for people just out of the hospital with Traumatic Brain Injury. They stay there and re-learn how to live on their own. We help reintegrate them into the community, slowly and safely. This past semester I learned that people with TBIs typically have problem with inappropriate behaviors and aggressive attitudes after a TBI. So, I'll be helping them work on their social skills in social settings. Also, I'll get to find fun leisure activities for them as well. While, it isn't my Grey's Anatomy fantasy of the huge hospital, it should still be super interesting and a really great learning experience. I'm honestly, feeling a lot more prepared for this internship than I was for my first one, so that is a good sign.

Normally, I am the type of person that knows God's plan is in action, but also feels a little in control too. Well, He just gave me a very real lesson on who really is in control and just how big He is. I mean finding another internship with housing in just a few short days seriously felt like moving mountains. But, it happened. His plan is pretty evident at this point in my life. When I think of it like that and forget how I have zero friends down there, it is pretty exciting. I may not know why God wants me to be in Galveston this summer, but I know 100% that this is His plan. So, whatever happens, good or bad, I'm going to remember that. He is God alone and I needed this to be reminded of that.

I like to write and listen to Pandora at the same time. In high school, my mom took me to a Jeremy Camp concert where I got to meet him! (one of the coolest experiences ever) Anyway, so basically I fell in love with him after that and his music has helped me get through some pretty tough times. This morning the very first song that played on my pandora station was his song "Walk by Faith" It is probably silly of me to think that God speaks to me through Pandora, but I took that as a "Calm down, Becca. Everything will be fine, trust me and know that I have great things planned for you." It helped me stop, re-evaluate the situation, and smile.

The lyrics to Walk by Faith:

Will I believe you when you say
Your hand will guide my every way
Will I receive the words You say
Every moment of every day

Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me

Help me to rid my endless fears
You've been so faithful for all my years
With the one breath You make me new
Your grace covers all I do

We serve one pretty amazing and awesome God. Sometimes I suppose I just need a really big reminder that He is in control and I need to just Walk by faith.

Galveston?!?!

So, I have been waiting to update my blog until I had figured everything out. Well, about a week later and three days after my original start date and I am still in the dark. My supervisor at UT Southwestern is no longer an employee there, so nice of him to let me know. I woke up to a call on Tuesday morning from my academic advisor and he was the one that broke the news to me that I no longer could complete my internship with my original facility. So, for the past several days, Dr. Passmore and I have been exploring every option and location possible. I always knew that OSU had an amazing Recreation Therapy department, but this week has shown me just how awesome it really is. Dr. Passmore has called and emailed every single one of his internship contacts that provide housing, I'm starting to realize just how many connections this guy really has. It makes me thankful that I attend my classes and that he generally likes me.

Right now I am waiting on a phone call to see if a place in Galveston, TX can provide me with some housing. The housing is an unfurnished efficiency apartment on the Texas A&M - Galveston campus. So, basically if it works out, I'll be packing up all of my clothes, stealing my brother's air mattress, and heading out. It is about a five hour drive from here to there, which in itself makes me want to have a minor panic attack. When I thought about having an independent summer, I thought it meant living with my brother (rent free), having my extended family around, and enjoying all the amenities of the apartment complex aka pool and gym. Yes, I know that isn't real life, but I'm still in college...it was as real life as I was willing to experience. I suppose I should have been more specific when I asked God for all this independence. Now I might be living in an unfurnished apartment with only an air mattress, alarm clock, and coffee maker. I'll be all alone...I'm talking no friends or family for at least a five hour drive.

To sum it up, this has been one of the most confusing and stressful few days I have had during the summer months. No worries though, I have been spending all these worry filled days laying out my the pool. (Yes, I live a rough life) I'll update my blog as soon as I figure out if Galveston is going to be my new home. If, it doesn't work out, anyone have a job for me?

Love you all!

Minor Freak Out

So, I have been trying to get in touch with my internship supervisor for a couple days now, but none of the emails are being sent. I called the only number I have for him and left a message this afternoon. It has now been several hours and alas, no call back. Which has pretty much started the numerous worst case scenarios in my head. Number one being that my supervisor was fired and or laid off and forget to mention it to his anxious little intern. No big deal, right? Oh, gosh if that happens, well let's just say I apologize now to my many friends that will be receiving angry text messages and hysterical phone calls. Let's just hope the hospital's email server is down. I have until Monday sometime to figure out, when and if I'll still be doing my internship this summer. If for some unknown reason, the worst happens...this blog will definitely be a boring one. Yikes!

Today I spent most of my day doing absolutely nothing. I was, however, rudely woken up at about 5:30 this morning by Shelby, the cat, for her morning breakfast. I am living in an apartment that is run by a cat...what has my life come to? After my much needed morning coffee, I participated in a very grown up and independent act of grocery shopping. I suppose my last three years of having Janice around to cook our meals at the Kaydee house really made me naive to the price of food. I mean seriously, bread and milk are expensive! No wonder the cabinets and fridge at home are always empty. I should probably apologize to my mom for complaining each time I'm home that there is nothing to eat. Being independent is expensive, especially when you have a 400 hour UNPAID internship.

I'm no expert, but unpaid internships just don't seem fair. Not only is it unpaid, but I'm paying OSU to work for free. Oh, and it is going to cost me $4 a day for parking. So, for my ten week internship, it is going to cost me around $250 just to park. Now let's add in gas for my car, money for lunch, grocery shopping, my tuition to OSU and the grand total comes to about a hundred billion dollars. Ok, so I'm being dramatic, but to a poor, jobless college student that is what it feels like. I mean whatever happened to child labor laws? Yeah, yeah, I'm twenty-one and those don't apply to me. But you see the point I'm trying to make, right?

Even with all of the craziness and stress of the upcoming, unpaid internship, Dallas has still been such an amazing experience. I found a letter that I wrote to my brother the summer before I started college, and in it I was so worried about "failing at life" (no I am not making that up...I told you I am a worst case scenario type girl). I suppose you could say that Dallas and my newly acquired independence has given me confidence in myself and my abilities to survive. So, wherever God decides to take my journey, I'm ready. Let's just hope my journey still has an internship in store for me this summer.

Miss you all!

I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T

I have decided that being independent is a great feeling. My brother has been in London for almost a week now, and honestly having the apartment to myself has been amazing. I feel all grown up. It is weird, but this summer has already taught me that whatever happens after college, I'm going to be just fine.

I emailed my Internship Supervisor today to confirm all of the specifics and details for this summer. I am so excited to get started. Yesterday, I went and walked around the hospital. It was a little awkward just wandering aimlessly through the halls, but I wanted to know where I was going to be working. The hospital is absolutely gorgeous. The waiting rooms and check in desk looks like a fancy hotel lobby. The nurses and doctors were all wearing navy blue scrubs. I felt like I was in a scene from Grey's Anatomy - minus the love stories. I can't believe that in just a few days, I'll be the one wearing the scrubs and brand new ID badge.

I discovered that the rehab facility is located on the sixth, seventh, and eighth floors. The populations I'll be working with are people over 18 with traumatic brain injuries, spinal cord injuries, burn patients, and general orthopedic problems. There are 124 patient beds, which means a massive case load. However, I am trying not to freak out and just looking at helping all those patients as more experience. Hopefully, more experience and this internship will equal a very nice job right after graduation.

For everyone that has been asking questions about how life outside the internship is going:
My days so far are consisting of taking care of my brother's girlfriend's 30 pound cat, laying out by the pool, and hanging out with a new friend. My aunt and her family live only about 10 minutes from my apartment, so I have been able to see them almost every day. I love that I get to see my cousin Grayson play in his baseball games, and play hide-and-go-seek with Carly. My family is awesome and I am so thankful that I'll get to spend the summer with them as well. All in all, I am having the best possible time in Dallas. This experience has been so much more than I could have asked for, so let's hope it keeps up this trend. Although, I do miss all my friends....love you all so much!!!

Perspective

Well, I have now been awake for almost four and a half hours. The fact that I woke up to my alarm without the snooze button at 5:45 am today is a miracle in itself. This morning I was supposed to time my commute to the hospital again. However, my cousin Craig surprised me and went along for the ride. Craig was that college student anyone would have loved to be. His intelligence came easy and he had a real passion for learning. After graduating from college, he applied to Medical School. His first couple attempts didn't end up well, so he decided that the Peace Corps was a great alternative. Finally after his year in the Peace Corps, Medical School became a reality.

Craig continued his passion for learning all the way through his classes, internships, and residencies. He quickly discovered his passion for delivering babies. About a year into his medical practice, he noticed that his joints were hurting from standing on his feet for long stretches of time. Like any twenty-something, he ignored the pain and thought nothing more about it. A couple more years passed by before the pain became too much to ignore. Craig went to the doctor and explained his symptoms. The doctor became very concerned and started a plethora of tests and scans. Before the month was over, Craig had been diagnosed with a rare bone cancer. His career as a doctor had ended about as quickly as it had began. His passion and calling was no longer something he could physically continue.

This story about Craig has been something that my mother has told me numerous times over my lifetime. Each time I heard it, I remember thinking how sad it was, but it wasn't until today that I fully understood. Craig volunteered to ride with me to give me the shortcuts and back roads to cut my commute in half. After surviving the cancer, Craig began doing medical research at the University of Texas Southwestern Schools. His passion could not be taken away, even after losing his ability to practice medicine. Now he must use crutches for mobility and has had too many bones and joints replaced to list. While we were riding in the car today, I saw the way he lit up when talking about his experiences at the hospital. His journey has been a tragic love story. Yet, he doesn't show his disappointments or let his complaints about his ending get in the way of living now. He has recently become a professor at a small college in Dallas teaching Anatomy and Physiology.

Craig became an inspiration to me today. He is a true example of being content with whatever life throws your way. Just like my patients for this summer, Craig had to find his hope and excitement for living life again. He found other ways to fuel his desire to be a part of medicine. He devoted years to medical research and is now investing his time into other future nurses, doctors, and therapists. God reminded me today that sometimes Plan B can be just as sweet.