Writer's Block

I have been diligently trying to write a new post for almost a solid week. However, I am afraid that my perfectionist attitude has taken over and I have come down with a case of writer's block. I tend to experience this awful problem right around the time I have a huge research paper due (I'm positive it has nothing to do with the fact I leave the 10 page paper until midnight the night before its due date). Anyway, anything that I have written lately just doesn't seem to sound right, or I get half way through and delete it out of frustration for lack of wisdom or wit. I'm not even sure if anyone other than my mom (hi mom!) reads this, but I still want it to be something worthy of an audience. I want it to be inspirational, educational, or at least enjoyable. But, lately all my thoughts have been too disorganized to amount to any piece of writing other than the post it notes scattered around my desk at work.

I suppose this lack of creativity could be from the amount of stress I have been feeling lately. Apparently, around week 8 of your internship you become an all out therapist. I'm talking being in charge of new patients' incoming assessments, writing up evaluation reports, updating reports for medical records, reporting at patients' team meetings, planning a special event, leading all the group and individual therapy sessions...the list literally goes on and on. My days are busy and I love it, but they are also tiring. Last night I came home from work around six after finishing up paperwork and fell asleep around 8 p.m. until 7 a.m. this morning. It's official, I have become my father...only I fell asleep in my bean bag chair and not a recliner.

This past week has been one of my most emotional weeks of the entire internship. I have almost cried on several occasions. The first time happened after an evaluation with a patient that reminded me so much of my Granddad that passed away almost seven years ago. This patient had a stroke and has a left field cut. A left field cut in Layman's terms is a blind spot in your vision. His just happens to be a very big blind spot. He loved playing a domino game called Chicken Foot (which is a game my Granddad taught me when I was younger) with his family, but admitted to me he was intimidated to play with his poor vision. I encouraged him to try and when the game had concluded and he had successfully kicked my butt, I noticed tears in his eyes. He was so happy that he could still continue to play Chicken Foot with his family and not worry about being a burden. He thanked me over and over again for working with him and not letting him give up. This was about the time I almost lost it with the water works.

The second time I teared up this past week was during an evaluation with a new patient. He has really poor speech intelligibility, so his verbal evaluation was especially difficult. He also has some pretty intense physical complications, but his cognition and mental capabilities seem to pretty much be intact. These type of deficits and symptoms are probably the worst in my opinion because you are pretty much trapped in your own body. Your body and mind at war. His situation though has shown me the true definition of "in sickness and in health". The patient's relationship with his wife is absolutely amazing. She sees past the man sitting in the wheelchair and still continues to see the man she fell in love with. Just watching them interact and seeing the affection they share despite the now drool covered kisses, literally brought tears to my eyes. In a society so devastated by divorce, it was reassuring to see a love as strong and true.

I am not typically so emotional, but I have decided these almost instantaneous tears are a result of the stress and being a little bit homesick. I have been in Galveston on my own for two whole months and I am ready to come home. Not that I haven't enjoyed my internship, tiny little apartment, or having a beach right up the road, but I MISS my family and friends.

MISS THE MOST:

Hugs from my mom and dad. Caleb's crazy antics. Joey's sarcastic comments. Kristen's laugh. Wal Mart trips with Lesley, Natalie, and Elly. My Little. Late night talks with the annex. Dinner dates with my Big. A real bed. Barn Cokes. A shower with water pressure. Oklahoma's humidity. Meals that aren't made in a microwave. Furniture. Braum's. Limey's. Getting to wear T-Shirts everyday. Free Laundry. Sillwater. Walks around Boomer Lake. OSU's Campus. Country Roads.

16 more days...